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Reading comprehension has sunk to such low levels that Facebook has started adding a “[satire]” tag to Onion articles just to make sure people don’t mistake them for legitimate news … the irony, of course, being that the Onion currently contains more truth than the “legitimate news” companies they mock.

6 BS Stories That Went Viral: Siri’s Not a Murder Accomplice

#6. A Dumb Criminal Did Not Ask Siri How to Hide a Body

All the reports were accompanied by this incriminating image:

That might look vaguely familiar to you, but that doesn’t mean you’re secretly a serial killer: It just means you remember back in 2011 when everyone was sharing joke Siri replies like that one, which were put in as Easter eggs.

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I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.

Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”

#613: How do I reach out to my friends who have depression? | Captain Awkward

P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”

(via startrekrenegades)


So, once upon a time I was selling a poster on eBay that I’d done for some bands that were favorites of mine in high school. And then both of the guys from both of those bands said some really ugly, irredeemable shit online while the auction was up. And so I took the auction down. At that point, the idea that someone would have my art for those bands proudly displayed on their wall made me unhappy to think about. And then, after I took the auction down, a few people wrote to me asking why, as they’d been following the auction or had bid on it, etc etc. And so I made a very brief statement clarifying why I took it down. I didn’t “@-reply” or tag anyone involved, I didn’t call for a boycott, I didn’t throw down any gauntlets. Just let my followers know what happened in as calm and magnanimous a way as I could think of.

And then one of my high school heroes called me a “creep” and an “insufferable twat” and referred to my poster as “asinine”. The asinine thing really seems like more of a vocabulary show-off than anything, as the word doesn’t really apply in any way to, you know, creating art to promote that dude’s band? But I’ll give him a pass since it’s basically the least stupid thing he’s said online in the past two days.

Anyhow. Just kinda felt like sharing that. I don’t really have a point here and I’m kinda too weirded out to really be, like, sad or angry or anything. So please don’t assume that. It’s just… you don’t not share something like this, right?

Fun side-story: One of those retweets and two of those favorites on Ben’s post came from that guy from last October who sent me straight-up one of the creepiest and stalkery-est series of emails I’ve gotten ever and his girlfriend. Haven’t heard from either of them in nearly a year until now. Huh.

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